Thursday, March 18, 2010

one is the loneliness number...

Do you know this song by the Beatles?

"One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do

Two can be as bad as one, its the loneliest number since the number one

No is the saddest experience you'll ever know

Yes is the saddest experience you'll ever know

cause one is the loneliest number that you'll ever know

one is the loneliest number

even worst then two yeah its just no good anymore since you went away

now I spend my time just making up rhymes of yesterday

one is the loneliest number

one is the loneliest number

one is the loneliest number since you went away"

This song just came to mind as I was thinking about my perfect day yesterday and the conversation I had with a friend.

Lately most of my time has been spent alone. I am not complaining, and I'm not upset or looking for pity. I like my alone time. Sometimes I LOVE my alone time. I need alone time at least once a day. When I used to be really busy, sometimes the only alone time I could get was in the car on my way to work, and I cherished that 15 minute drive. Other times it would just be a quick 5 minute break.

This is a really cool time in my life, I am learning so much and I really feel like every day I am wiser, more mature, and happier than the previous day. I feel incredibly spoiled to be living where I live, to have the things that I do, and to know the people who I know. Life is good.

I can honestly say that I've been having fun doing things by myself. It's easy. It's quiet, and there is something to be said about having quiet moments. It's relaxing and rejuvenating. It does get lonely though from time to time. I went on a hike yesterday with a friend that I hadn't talked to since last summer. He does everything alone. EVERYTHING. I used to always feel bad for him. We had a good talk yesterday as we were hiking up the mountain. He told me that the main reason he started doing things on his own is because people are so noncommittal and flakey. We are all guilty of it, we've all said that we would do something or be somewhere and then we weren't. Sometimes it's not our fault, and circumstances get in the way. I can't stand it when people bail out on me, especially at the last minute. So why do I do it to other people? This is something I'm working on and want to be better at by the end of this year, I don't' want to be known as a flake. My friend said that he just got tired of everyone saying that they would go somewhere or do something with him and then NOT, so he just started doing things alone. We agreed that it is better to live your life and to explore, travel and do the things you want rather then just waiting on someone else to do them with you.

I'm at the point now, where I'm tired of waiting around. Tired of waiting for someone to say yes, for someone to go, for someone to meet me somewhere. It's annoying. Frustrating, and disappointing. This friend of mine that I was talking to has been married before (he's divorced now) so he knows what it's like to have that constant companionship. I know what it's like to have that constant companionship. Most days I wish I had that. A lot of days I miss having someone special around. I think this is good though, it all feels healthy. For probably the first time in my life I don't have this feeling of NEEDING to be with someone, I'm not hooking up with any random guy, I'm not looking for attention. I'm just living my life...alone. Someone will come, he will fall for me and know that I am a catch. The time will come, Heavenly Father has told me so, so for now I'm just trusting Him. I'm trusting in His timing and in the plan he has for me. I'm continually working to be a better person, and to use better use of my time. I feel like I'm so far from my potential, but I am taking steps to get there. I've always been a little bit slower then others, but I always get there.


Blogger n i c o l e said...

Oh Amber, how I love you so. I know exactly how you feel. I knew moving home would be good for me, but it's still hard cuz I'm alone majority of the time...but it is nice sometimes isn't it? I think you're exactly where you need to be at this point of your life. We have eternity to be with our partner, and to have kids, but this is the only time we really get to be where we want, when we want. Everyday you're becoming more of who Heavenly Father wants you to be. You love yourself, and that's essential to be able to love someone else. I'm proud of you and you're a great example to me. I'm so glad I got to see you and Angelique the other night at dinner. You're going to do amazing things...just keep swimming and being who you are. Faith in Him includes faith in His timing. I have to repeat that over and over to myself every single day. And hey while we're single lets live it up. Girls nights, slumber parties and the beach have never been so fun. I love you!!!

March 18, 2010 at 8:39 PM  

Perfectly put! I know exactly how you feel. Its so good knowing that when you are in your alone phases of life that you like yourself enough to just be with yourself. You're right, dont wait around to go and do things! I love the picture of you at the beach a lone :) I have done that a few times. Its good.
I love you and you know you can call anytime, I love our talks! You are the best and I love that you are such a good friend :D Cant even WAIT to come home and see you! ...and take 19364920 pictures!

March 18, 2010 at 10:28 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

Thank you for your comments girls. I love you both and I'm so grateful to have such amazing friends. Nicole you better believe we will be having more sleep overs, I live for girls nights! Kristin I can't wait for you to come home so we can beach it up, get our tan on and take a bizillion pictures. Yay for being cute, young single girls! :p

March 19, 2010 at 8:39 AM  
Blogger Bekah B. said...

You are adorable. Oh how I wish I could have alone time....hmm, I can't remember what that is :) Love ya!

March 19, 2010 at 8:19 PM  

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